Collaborative Divorce

We understand that marital breakdown is one of the hardest transitions we can ever face. It’s also one of the most complex.

Traditionally divorces have been handled entirely by lawyers. They have always been the first port of call for advice, and usually still are. And of course it’s true that no divorce can be settled without legal input. In terms of the settlement, the lawyers are the ones who know what practical options regarding childcare, money and property are likely to be acceptable to the judge in the local divorce court, and which are likely to be thrown out – and why. So finding the right lawyer is essential.

But these days that’s only part of the story – and our lawyer colleagues would be the first to agree.

Divorce is much more than just a legal procedure. It’s an enormous life change for both parties involved. It’s usually talked about as being ‘the end’ of a relationship, but in most cases this isn’t true. Where there are children involved, the duty of co-parenting means that the relationship can’t end; it might have to carry on in an active sense for many years, but on a very different footing. But it is the end of the relationship that was originally wanted and worked for. And that ending can bring emotional heartache in many forms: pain, grief, guilt, rage, or a confusing cocktail that includes them all.

Dealing with the emotional fallout of divorce is not what the lawyers can help with. It’s not what they are trained for. All too often they are asked to take action on behalf of a very unhappy client whose needs are coming from an emotionally reactive place: who may be wanting to punish their spouse, take revenge on them, or conduct an ongoing argument through the medium of solicitors’ correspondence as a way of avoiding a clear-cut separation. This can be a tragic waste of everyone’s time, energy and money. A settlement arrived at in this spirit has little chance of feeling just or honourable to either party.

This, then, is where we at Landman Mills Associates become part of the collaborative team. Our role is to support the emotional side of your separation and divorce: to help you express your feelings, understand them, accept them, but not get over-identified with them in a destructive way. We can work with you before the legal proceedings, individually or together, and during them if you wish.

What distinguishes Collaborative Divorce from the traditional approach is that neither we nor the lawyers nor any other professionals involved will be taking sides. When you are ready to agree the detailed terms of your settlement, this will happen with the support of your two lawyers and the two of us (if you’d like us to be there), all in the same room at the same time. None of us will be in opposing camps. We will all be working for justice and equity, not to create winners or losers.

To get a detailed overview of how our staged, collaborative process works, click here.